March 15, 2010
Decisions
What’s the difference between being selfish and doing something for yourself?
When people make you chose by playing the guilt card and putting you through the biggest trip of your life? Is that when you know that you’re not being selfish and that they’re just manipulating the situation to get it their way.
September 1, 2009
Seriously?
How do you know when you’ve made the right decision?
When you realize you were wrong what do you do to make it right?
Do you forget the past and try to move on or try to mend and fix it? Is there even a way to fix it?
If you change everything thinking that you’re in this together and find out that it’s all a lie where do you go? What is left to do? You thought this was what you always wanted and that things would be perfect. There was some doubt but you figured those were little things. But how many little things do you let go before they turn into big things? What if all the courage and belief that you had has been used up?
I wanted this so bad and now I feel like I’ve pushed it so far away. I just wish I knew before now. I should have got the hints the are you sure? is this really what you want? no I ignored them and said we’re in this together. But I guess I was wrong I guess this explains everything.
It isn’t that I asked too much, it was that you were trying to please too many. The reason I can’t get what I want. It had nothing to do with who you are or how you act it had to do with what else was out there and what they needed.. some how and some where they become the ones that mattered more.. If I’m wrong tell me, explain to me how things got this way.
How a person that you like more than anything could do this? How did I miss the change in the plan?
I know I’m not crazy so that line won’t work this time.
Maybe this happened on purpose maybe this is where the plan was supposed to lead. But seriously this is what you wanted? To drag my everything through the mud and make me feel like the dumbest girl ever? To think and believe that all of this would work and that I would have someone here when I got here…
Is this really what you want?
Maybe thats the problem.. I would do anything and thats just too much. Too easy. Not a big enough challenge.
I thought astrology was always right. It seemed true when it said: This will be obvious from your first meeting. Perhaps this will even be love at first sight. A romance like this doesn’t come along often. It wasn’t that far off… and made so much sense so is it really wrong?
All I ask is that you talk to me, tell me what it is that is going on.
You said it would take some thing big to break us down and I don’t think this is big enough but I need to know what else there is… I can’t keep doing this..
We expect honesty out of each other so why aren’t we both getting it?
When will all the bees come out of the hive? The secrets out of the closet? The monsters from under the bed?
I still am lost. I don’t understand how this happened or why…
I don’t want to play the victim but I need some explanations.
I need to know what’s going on and what I’m getting into. I wasn’t kidding about the germs thats a real concern.
Let things go back to how they were.
I know there is still something inside of you for me bring it out and let it grow to the size it was before.
Come back to me baby and send me a song. One that has meaning like Queen and Lady or Lady in the Red Dress…
You changed my world lets keep it for the best.
May 6, 2009
You don’t have to speak or repeat.
Sitting here thinking,
listening to the sound,
the sound of silence.
Wondering where is everyone?
I am here and they are there.
Sitting here thinking,
when we think of each other are we thinking the same thing?
Simply put I am here.
I think of this and realize that you are there.
Actions are amazing but silence is strong.
Kind of got jumbled up.
May 3, 2009
Tears
When they fall it is a sense of relief,
They may not solve the problem,
But they help is my belief.
No matter the reason that they come,
You have no control and you have to let them go,
Sometimes they can even put you in a slum.
They are here to stay,
They will always be part of me,
Even when I lay.
Happiness is near,
Even if you don’t expect it,
When you drop a tear.
Just another girl…
Just another girl holding on,
Wanting everything not to be wrong.
Questioning society and existence,
Why are we here when we put up resistance?
All a girl wants is to be the world,
that isn’t too much so give it a whirl.
Treat her like you care about her even when she isn’t there,
Show her that you she’s your girl no matter where.
Just another girl trying to get by,
Not wanting to believe that these are all lies.
April 18, 2009
Hanging on…
So many questions so little answers.
Why do we hang on? How come no matter how much you dislike a person they will always be there? By there I don’t mean physically I mean mentally too. How do you let go of things? How do you get yourself to let go? Nothing seems to work and there are certain things I would rather forget but for some reason I keep hanging on to them and they aren’t necessary they are not helping my life or contributing in anyway. I want to know how to let go….
I feel like this is where i should be but nothing is working out. Things were supposed to be perfect but they’re. I’m told its not me its everyone else but how can that be possible but then again why can’t I fit in? I don’t want to be like everyone else but at the same time I want to have someone there. And some people are there but not always and it’s not fair to them. I need someone like in the past that is there no matter what and never gets tired of my same complaints. I know I’d be there for them so how do I get them here for me?
What does a person have to do to show they care? No many how many times they say it it doesn’t seem enough. How do you get someone to realize that you’re what they want and for them to stop making other excuses. When you want someone to just be honest with you it seems like they hide the most. How come when they do tell you things you see them as irrelevant? if it matters to them why doesn’t it matter to you?
Where do you go? when you give up everything and bet it all on one thing. They told you not to they said I don’t want to be the reason. But deep down you know you’re right and that it should logically all work. But when do you stop thinking logically and realize that nothing is perfect and not every story has a happy ending?
How do you say I’m sorry. I never meant to be deceiving or dishonest. I didn’t even realize I was being.
How do you tell someone you like them without turning them off? How can you let them know what they mean to you without them thinking you are absolutely nuts and ridiculous. It isn’t because you are young it is because you truly feel like you are right and that nothing could break you down.
Explanations and proof. I never was the one or the center of attention so that’s why this is so hard for me. I know it has been awhile and I should be used to it by now but still it’s hard to believe. You say things but then your actions contradict them. I never know what to believe. How can I know that you’re really being honest when you have all these secrets that you flip out when I even ask about them? That’s why I get so paranoid because I can’t understand how I am supposed to trust you when there is so so so much that I don’t know about. I try to tell you as much as I can so there is nothing left up to guess. But it seems like the opposite is coming from that direction, the least amount possible to be said the better and that that is supposed to gain trust. But really it makes it ten times harder.
I don’t want to cry even though that seems hard to believe but really I don’t. I want to smile and be happy like things should be. I hate arguing and I love jokes but when there is so much curiosity it confuses things. Basically all I’m saying is I want to be happy with you. I really think it can work and that are differences make it more interesting not impossible. So really say what we need to say I know we’ve said it and that its obvious but it is still holding us back.
I didn’t mean to make this personal and at first I tried to keep it general. But if there is any advice or anything that can be said to help please share. Things have been rocky but still so good. And I’m not ready to give that up.
Thank you!
April 16, 2009
Too Much Selfishness?
How do we know when it is alright to be selfish? Obviously we have to be every once in awhile but how do you know when? For a person who tries to please everyone and be as fair as possible I have a hard knowing when it’s acceptable to want something for myself.
The other problem is how do you know when you’re being over selfish? Why is that no matter how honest we tell people to be with us that they won’t tell us the simplest things? Is it because we are told that it is rude to tell people certain things? I feel like we should be able to tell others “hey chill out!” and it not come off as “did you seriously just say that to me? who do you think you are?”.
For now on I’m going to be honest with my self and if I want something I’m going to do it. No more taking the back seat. The hard thing though, is to figure out what exactly is it that I want. How can you separate what you truly want from what everyone else wants for you?
March 22, 2009
Growing up…
Knowing that one is growing up is not always easy to accept. Knowing that no matter what you do there is always certain things that you cannot avoid are difficult too.
I never thought things would be like this or that I would be this kind of person. I know what I want and I know I want to be but for some reason the path there isn’t as easy as I thought.
Reading this you might be thinking when is she ever going to get to the point but until I know the point then there is no point to get to. And that is something I’m realizing about life. Everything just keeps going if you’re there or not so you either have to hop on or fall off.
With that said I’m hopping on and going to grow up. I don’t need to play games to see what I want. Things that I’ve done that I’m not happy with I’m going to leave them behind, there’s no reason to keep that with this.
Well that’s all for now..
March 12, 2009
Friends
How do you know when someone is your friend? Are they the people that say hi to you when they see you or the ones that look at you and turn the other way? Why is it that people can act as if they are your friend when they need you but completely ignore you when in front of others?
When people act like this who do you blame? Do you blame yourself because you’re not a good enough friend? Or do you blame their parents for not properly raising them to be honest people? Or is it their fault for pretending and taking advantage?
You might say its just friendship how is that taking advantage but its much more than that. It is the persons emotions. Every time someone walks by and they think they are friends and they get completely ignored, how are they supposed to feel?
Then I think do I do that to people? I try not to if I see them I make an effort to be polite. Maybe I expect too much and think that people mean too much to each other.
But still I sit here with the question of how do people get this way? Are they really that rude and oblivious to those around them? It come down to the point that they have no respect for others if they realize it or not.
To Be Polite
Some general rules that people should follow and would help make society a better place.
Coming Soon…
